Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
