I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
