These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Im part way to drunk.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
