By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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