I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
this hospital has no fireball
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
