There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
