So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
