I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You're my little dorito
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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