yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
porn star boner night. come get it.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
