i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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