I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
