After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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