Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
