I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
