im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
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How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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