dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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