dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
