Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
