That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
