do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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