i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
