Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
