Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
