So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
