Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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