she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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