I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
