so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Randomize
