He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
