can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
