I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I am one with the molecules
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
