Soap is not a condiment
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
