So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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