dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
