now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
