if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
