So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
