Umm I'm too high to move.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
did i just pee glitter
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
