she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
