In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize