My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize