I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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