Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
