Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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