Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
