dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
so much tequila, so little girl.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
