Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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