Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
