you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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