Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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