So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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