yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
