i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
