Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Boobs speak an international language.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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