please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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