i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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