Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
