oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
