Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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