you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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