I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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