hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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