I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
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My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
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But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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