My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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