I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
