My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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