well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
