sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You made out with two different species that night
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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