If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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