wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
