You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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