i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
